The Wright Brothers would be pleased!

So as romantic notions of farming goes, I was no different...as my "Martha Stewartesque" thoughts progressed I was thinking of trying to beautify the yard, aka detract attention from the out buildings and garbage left by the previous owner.  I knew I would have to utilize some large distractions because let's face it...there was a lot to detract attention from.  You can imagine my absolute excitement when George pulled up one day with an antique tractor in tow....I was thrilled at this unexpected house warming gift!  How exciting, I had visions of flowers around it artfully placed, perhaps some kitschy sign carefully placed welcoming our guests, I had no idea George was into that kind of lawn decor! I knew this is exactly what I had been envisioning in my mind! As I was gushing my thanks and telling him my plans for it confusion crossed his face as he matter-of-factly informed me I was crazy and this was to use in the field!  WHAT!?  But it is so cute and old...it can't possibly run! What about my flower plan? This will definitely draw peoples eye away from the dilapidated buildings....no eh? Hmmm....off to find a flower pot I guess....

There are, as I have discovered not only functioning antiques but also contraptions that are designed to actually work but are a cross between the Wright Brothers brilliance and well, torture devices made to break the spirit of the most delusional new farmer.  Bring on the Asparagus Crown Planter....as with every new endeavor or experience it all seems fun and somewhat adventurous.  I wanted to try.
This invention gets towed behind the tractor and two people sit facing the field. I donned my steel toed boots, my best fleece and eagerly waited for my turn.  As I sat on this version of a flying machine I realized farmers don't care about comfort...ummmmm can I have a pillow.  Next cleanliness aside someone PILES asparagus crowns on you, and yes they are also dirty and after a moment the tractor not so gently jerks the contraption to life......you take turns throwing the crowns through the steel trough, OK that is as exciting as it got......really...that's it.  You are sitting on a contraption that you are sure will self - destruct anytime, covered in dirt and roots, on hard plywood, oh and it was raining...make that mud.

Lastly I think I will open a boot camp here this summer and use another torture chamber device we came up with to lure the masses here.  We decided that when planting 20,000 tomato plants we could better use our time by loading up a modified asparagus PICKER , align it to the mulched rows and away we go...again I don't learn quickly apparently and volunteered....yes the first few rows were "fun" but by the third or fourth you realize your shoulder muscles ain't what they used to be (ok they are just non-existent) and you are writhing in pain with every move and you only have 50 more 600ft rows to go.  I love the smell of tomato plants but after awhile the motion of the torture device, coupled with heat and THAT smell makes you wish you took a gravol or 10...that is when you start hoping for lightning to strike this "Hell on Wheels" or some other divine intervention to make the pain stop....well, that never happened and by the third day I was seriously wondering how the romantic notion of farming ever came into play.  I think it may have been like the Huckleberry Finn scenario when he made the fence painting look fun to draw some unsuspecting, romantic notioned fool to do his dirty work...I will have to look into that more.  Anyone for boot camp?

Bring The Food To The People

Soooo I have decided to jump around now from thought to thought as I tend to do.  At the risk of having this blog considered spam I will write another.  I feel particularly compelled to share the Farmers Market experience...now please don't take this the wrong way I love attending them, checking out fresh baking, produce and ass'td crafty things. It is a great way to access your local artisan or farmer.  Being on the other side of that table though provided a new perspective for me....we don't do them anymore.
"Bring the food to the people" i was almost giddy and very nervous as I pulled into the parking lot in our freshly painted 1982 Ford laden with fresh vegetables...ok only carrots, my pop up tent and signs.....You know when you drive into a part of a city you shouldn't be in though, and everyone tries not to stare but you know they are.....hmmm...the Farmers Market Society, new people, curiosities, competition......me thinks I am out of my element.  Where should I park and set up...oh ya, way down at the end by the portable washrooms apparently you have to earn the good spots.  Right.
Undaunted I sat through many an early morning, rain or shine with a cheesy grin on my face schlepping our wares.  As the season progressed and the next year came our offerings thankfully increased and we had quite the competitive edge.  I loved our regular customers and on sunny warm mornings wasn't unhappy generally to be there.  But there is a dark side to the market...remember it is customer service.
After a few seasons of doing 4 markets a week, juggling a second third job one tends to get, well, OK a little cynical. No problem a little bottle of Baileys under the truck seat with help with that (ok don't judge until you have sat through a few markets yourself) What you realize is that though there are the people who are at the market to support local, get fresh and see what's new and then there are ....well everyone else.
There was the lady who purchased asparagus the previous week.  Now this was a time when line ups were at our stand, she waited with a bag and when it was her turn approached me and tossed the bag with a container in it at me.  I asked what it was and she very loudly informed me our asparagus was awful and tough.  I offered her the $2 back but she insisted I look into the container....really?  It was an unidentifiable mess of green mush, I asked her cooking method...apparently BOILING it for 20 minutes was her preferred culinary choice...ummmmm sorry I can't help you, you killed it.  Move on.
Or another vendor I will call Flower Pants..... Every market she would come by my booth and shake her crooked finger at me and yell that I poisoned my vegetables.....the Baileys is making more sense...no?

Picture the woman who holds up a cucumber and is haggling over the 25 cent price..really lady, take it for free. Move on.
Everyone wants something different until they are presented with it....no sir we aren't using spider DNA to get the carrots purple, historically they started that way, yes ma'am the gold beets are delicious....will they make purple borscht?  Move on.  You just can't fix stupid.
Friday evenings were always interesting as a whole new crowd showed up and often a girlfriend of mine with cider....it was nice to have company and someone to witness first hand with me the insanity.  I wasn't making it all up.
Getting to the market was always interesting as the people loading the truck weren't the ones driving it.....so light cases of herbs should not be on the top because when you go down the highway the wind catches them. You end up running around a major highway like an arcade game of Frogger at 6 in the morning gathering up packets of basil, thyme and rosemary....fun.  As well cantaloupe being round will roll out of an open container onto same highway....no point in stopping to get those though.  I think the people can come here and get the food now.
I wonder if old Flower Pants is still around?

Crucial Pieces of Knowledge

Before one makes a large purchase, you know the ones larger than a new MAC lipgloss or Smashbox eyeshadow.  One would think a person should actually look at the purchase in question.....well more than a picture anyways, because though a picture may say 1000 words you can't get the actual "feel or smell" of the subject unless you fully immerse yourself in the actual object a.k.a. house first.
Now we did see the farm a year or so before but didn't actually set foot in the house until we were moving in our items...after careening through the Rocky Mountains; destined first for a Heineken at Dennys, then off to our final destination The Dell. We stayed the night before at my in laws, left the kids there the next morning and started off with some good friends to unload our stuff.  Uhhhhh...now where is that farm again?  As we drove in the general direction (Brad went on earlier that morning) I realized I had no idea how to get there....it's all in the details remember?
Anyways, clearly I arrived after some cell phone instructions. As I pulled into the driveway it was as unkempt as I remember but no worries we were going to fix all that up, water the lawn, plant some vegetables and live off the land....So with that I mustered up some determination and walked into our new home...that's about when the tears started, ok and the nervous breakdown....just a little one.......
The "gentleman" that owned the house before must have been hard of smell, and any other sense required to leave in a society pleasing manner.  Since he was still there moving things off the land I actually used my filter and politely informed my husband I was going to "town" to get an installer for new carpets and go find a paint store to "fix up" the rooms...I also asked all our belongings be put into the shed as the house was uninhabitable at the present time.  Ok, maybe it wasn't that polite but you get the idea.
While waiting the next day for the carpet to arrive I grabbed bleach, a lot of bleach and started work on the kitchen. Funny I thought that there would be blue sidewalk chalk in the kitchen cupboards, I know the owner had no kids and it was an odd place for them. 
As I am scrubbing the cupboards I realized we weren't in the house alone...indeed mice loved this little piece of paradise as well....I felt pretty far from our brand new home in Calgary with our gourmet kitchen, tile floors and gated lake community.
Upon hearing activity outside I went out to see George (father in law) talking to Brad sitting on a tractor...I ask what he is doing, Brad informs me he is trying to figure out how to start it!  WHAT...YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A TRACTOR???  Yes, a crucial tidbit of knowledge one would imagine, you know, on a farm.  Now, I have no idea when I thought he would have acquired this knowledge in the previous 9 years we had been together...I don't recall any night school courses or weekend seminars, in between his demands as a chef/dad/rec hockey player..so yes, I guess he didn't know how......I guess I just assumed.......well, thank goodness for George he got it going and headed toward the field to "work the land" it took me quite awhile to not find it hilarious to see him driving a tractor...don't worry he knew how I felt as I always laughed when I saw him on it...for probably longer than necessary......
And by the time the kids arrived I had indeed figured out the sidewalk chalk was not at all that, but mouse poison......hmmm.....We aren't in Calgary anymore............

Procrastinating In Office.......

I guess this seems as good as excuse as any to write another "entry"  I will consider this part of my office work today so I don't feel as guilty.  Though I did make beds, tidy house, threw on a load of laundry already and got the kids off to school.  The fact I am dressed and reasonably put together gives me high hopes I may get a bit accomplished today.  You see, one thing I didn't realize that this working from home thing would do was allow me to stay in my pjs all day.  Yes it sounds lovely until you are happily going about the day, morning turns to afternoon and there is a knock at the door and you realize you look as though you just rolled out of bed. Never mind I have been up since 6 am...as I run around like an idiot trying to find, jeans a hat and lip gloss as the dogs bark incessantly...so today, I pride myself that I have attempted to look presentable long before I have to actually leave said house and take Tali to dance after school.  Of course nobody will come by .....ahhh well.
There has only been one time I have ever envied anyone driving a U - Haul...that's right it was Brad.  I would have given anything to be driving that big old air-conditioned truck than in a Jetta careening through Rogers Pass with a 3 year old and a screaming 1 year old.  I watched with envy the back of the trailer and thought how incredibly peaceful it must be up there.  I did lose sight of him often as the only way to keep Tali quiet was to have a soother in her mouth...so I had 8 of them and would chuck them back to her as she spit out, dropped, or threw the other one on the floor.  You get the picture, when the 8 were done, I would pull over gather up the soothers and assorted snack bags I had also tossed back there and carry on....Also somewhere in the midst of all this I get a phone call that the lawyers drawing up the property deal missed a crucial step and the whole deal was in danger of collapse...HUH????  Now if that doesn't get you looking for a cliff with no guard rail nothing will...OK I wouldn't really do that but trust me after 5 hours of screaming now from both children and a stereo that could never drown all of it out you start wondering :P
I caught up to Brad in Revelstoke...did you know Dennys serves Heineken? I do now.