The Wright Brothers would be pleased!

So as romantic notions of farming goes, I was no different...as my "Martha Stewartesque" thoughts progressed I was thinking of trying to beautify the yard, aka detract attention from the out buildings and garbage left by the previous owner.  I knew I would have to utilize some large distractions because let's face it...there was a lot to detract attention from.  You can imagine my absolute excitement when George pulled up one day with an antique tractor in tow....I was thrilled at this unexpected house warming gift!  How exciting, I had visions of flowers around it artfully placed, perhaps some kitschy sign carefully placed welcoming our guests, I had no idea George was into that kind of lawn decor! I knew this is exactly what I had been envisioning in my mind! As I was gushing my thanks and telling him my plans for it confusion crossed his face as he matter-of-factly informed me I was crazy and this was to use in the field!  WHAT!?  But it is so cute and old...it can't possibly run! What about my flower plan? This will definitely draw peoples eye away from the dilapidated buildings....no eh? Hmmm....off to find a flower pot I guess....

There are, as I have discovered not only functioning antiques but also contraptions that are designed to actually work but are a cross between the Wright Brothers brilliance and well, torture devices made to break the spirit of the most delusional new farmer.  Bring on the Asparagus Crown Planter....as with every new endeavor or experience it all seems fun and somewhat adventurous.  I wanted to try.
This invention gets towed behind the tractor and two people sit facing the field. I donned my steel toed boots, my best fleece and eagerly waited for my turn.  As I sat on this version of a flying machine I realized farmers don't care about comfort...ummmmm can I have a pillow.  Next cleanliness aside someone PILES asparagus crowns on you, and yes they are also dirty and after a moment the tractor not so gently jerks the contraption to life......you take turns throwing the crowns through the steel trough, OK that is as exciting as it got......really...that's it.  You are sitting on a contraption that you are sure will self - destruct anytime, covered in dirt and roots, on hard plywood, oh and it was raining...make that mud.

Lastly I think I will open a boot camp here this summer and use another torture chamber device we came up with to lure the masses here.  We decided that when planting 20,000 tomato plants we could better use our time by loading up a modified asparagus PICKER , align it to the mulched rows and away we go...again I don't learn quickly apparently and volunteered....yes the first few rows were "fun" but by the third or fourth you realize your shoulder muscles ain't what they used to be (ok they are just non-existent) and you are writhing in pain with every move and you only have 50 more 600ft rows to go.  I love the smell of tomato plants but after awhile the motion of the torture device, coupled with heat and THAT smell makes you wish you took a gravol or 10...that is when you start hoping for lightning to strike this "Hell on Wheels" or some other divine intervention to make the pain stop....well, that never happened and by the third day I was seriously wondering how the romantic notion of farming ever came into play.  I think it may have been like the Huckleberry Finn scenario when he made the fence painting look fun to draw some unsuspecting, romantic notioned fool to do his dirty work...I will have to look into that more.  Anyone for boot camp?